One of my perhaps quirks, which I prefer to think of as an endearing character trait is I do a lot of reflection every year end. Oh, sure, I think about New Year’s Resolutions and ways to grow mentally as a woman, but I know my limitations. I always try to bite off more than I can chew, so I try not to be too hard on myself. I know I’ll stumble and not achieve all my goals and dreams, but I do try to look back and learn a lesson or two along the path of life. Then it’s not for naught, right? Hmmm.
Anyway, I digress. Here we are in the waning days of 2011. I can’t help but look inward. Have I really changed so much from years gone by, or as the song goes, Am I the Same Girl? The more I “analyze” myself, the more surprised I am to realize I truly am the same girl in so many ways. I’ve been told I’m a “complicated” woman. Well, duh! I would hope by the time I’ve reached this age (herein referred to as “this age”) I would have added some layers to my whole being.
Food wise, I may add to or subtract some flavors from my palate of foods, but basically what I used to love to eat is even more appealing to me these days. I’m as passionate about chocolate as ever, but now Nutella has earned a place in my pantry, too. Whereas I used to love plain oatmeal for breakfast, I’ve now developed a craving for creamy Muesli loaded with cinnamon and juicy berries. See. Layers can be a good thing. And there is still nothing that would entice me to try escargots or liver. A snail is a snail is a snail, in my opinion. And liver? Seriously? Not in MY mouth.
I’m still the “little girl” that gazes at the lights on the Christmas tree and feels the magic. A small gift can send me straight to the moon as much as a large gift if it has meaning and is given from the heart. Yes, I’m still the “same girl.”
I still have the same interests that have woven their golden threads through my life – reading, writing, and cruising, to name a few. However, I was shocked the other day when I realized how my outlook on life has spilled over into what I like to read. When I was a starry-eyed teenager, Mary Stewart, Victoria Holt, and Phyllis A. Whitney were three of my favorite authors. I was happiest curled up with a Gothic novel “starring” a young heroine running straight into danger. I picked up a Mary Stewart book last week. Of course, the tight, compulsive writing was there. It had to be! The difference wasn’t the book itself; it was my perception of life since I have now reached “this age.” Instead of the young woman running towards a scary attic, basement, cave, cove, forest…whatever…I wanted her to run the other way, grab her cell phone, and dial 911.
This brings me to another reflection. We are all the sum total of our experiences. My many years as a court reporter have definitely colored my outlook on life. They absolutely had to. Thus, the dark layer of reality I’ve acquired. I’ve honed in on what’s important and what really matters and learned to let the rest go. I totally “get” the fact that life is short and fragile and the need to love those you hold near and dear every single day. With that thought in mind, my wish for my family and friends is a beautiful, shiny 2012…a blank canvas ready to be painted with splashes of whatever colors you want to use. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you have any resolutions? Do you reflect on the year ending and think about the new one beginning?